Challenging Conversations

Levels of Conflict by Alec McPhedran 2024

Challenging Conversations
 
Challenging conversations are a type of dialogue that can be difficult to navigate. Nobody really likes conflict. They often involve complex topics or emotional issues.  Here, creative sector coach and mentor, gives a simple introduction to challenging conversations.
 
To effectively navigate challenging conversations and conflict, it is helpful to listen actively, clarify any misunderstandings, and take turns speaking. It is also important to remain open-minded and respectful of the other person's perspective.
 
If you are involved in a challenging conversation and feel overwhelmed, there are different strategies you can use to help you stay calm and focused. For instance, you can take a deep breath, step back from the conversation, and reflect on why you are feeling this way. You can also try to switch to a different topic or change the subject of the conversation to a less emotional or confrontational issue.
 
It is also important to remember that challenging conversations and managing conflict are opportunities for growth and learning. They can be an opportunity to learn more about the other person's perspective, understand their feelings, and gain different insights. By approaching challenging conversations in a positive and respectful manner, you can improve your relationships and understanding of different people and situations.
 
 
Strategies for managing challenging conversations
 
Managing challenging conversations can be daunting, but there are several strategies you can employ to navigate them effectively:
 
Prepare Mentally
Anticipate potential points of conflict and mentally prepare yourself to remain calm and composed during the conversation.
 
Active Listening
Practice active listening by focusing on what the other person is saying without interrupting. Show empathy and understanding by paraphrasing their points to ensure you're on the same page.
 
Stay Calm and Controlled
Keep your emotions in check and maintain a calm demeanour, even if the other person becomes agitated. Your composure can help de-escalate the situation.
 
Empathize
Try to understand the other person's perspective and acknowledge their feelings, even if you disagree with them. Empathy can help establish rapport and facilitate a more constructive dialogue.
 
Clarify Misunderstandings
If there are misunderstandings, clarify them gently without assigning blame. Seek to find common ground and areas of agreement.
 
Use "I" Statements
Express your thoughts and feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel" instead of "You always." Using You can be taken very personally and potentially percieved as blaming by the recipient.
 
Focus on Solutions
Shift the conversation towards finding solutions rather than dwelling on the problem. Brainstorm together to explore possible resolutions that satisfy both parties.
 
Set Boundaries
If the conversation becomes disrespectful or unproductive, assertively set boundaries while maintaining professionalism. Let the other person know what behaviour is unacceptable and redirect the conversation back to its intended purpose.
 
Take Breaks if Necessary
If emotions are running high or tensions escalate, suggest taking a break to cool off before continuing the conversation. Sometimes, stepping away briefly can help both parties regain perspective.
 
Follow-Up
After the conversation, follow up with the other person to ensure that any agreements or action plans are being implemented. This demonstrates your commitment to resolving the issue and maintaining a positive relationship.
 
 
Understanding Levels of Conflict
There are normally four levels of conflict, the first being the easier to resolve and the fourth the most challenging – potentially leading to agree to disagree but having to agree a way forward.
 
Level One: Conflict based on Facts or Data.
This is where there are conflicts over facts or data. This is normally easy to resolve based on pausing to establish the facts or data being discussed. 
 
Level Two: Conflict of Objectives.
What the person or their team have to achieve as an objective. This is based on specific targets for an individual or a team. For example, HR’s objective is to meet diversity targets. Managers objective is to recruit the best persona as soon as possible for health and safety reasons. To resolve this will require either escalation or negotiating a compromise.
 
Level Three: Conflict of Purpose.
What the purpose of that persons role or teams aim is about. For example, Legal and Compliance have to ensure broadcasting legislation is met. Creative directors aim is to break the rules and promote innovation. Resolution could be compromise, flexibility and innovative thinking.
 
Level Four: Conflict of Values.
This is possibly one of the hardest conflicts to resolve based on personal or organisational values. An example could be an employee being asked to provide service support to an organisation who they believe practice unethical behaviour and does not want to work with them. Values based conflict is difficult to resolve and if creative thinking, compromise or discussion does not work, it will likely not be resolved and a new approach or options will need to be explored.
 
Remember, effective communication is a skill that improves with practice. Each challenging conversation provides an opportunity for growth and learning. Rather than waste time considering a challenging conversation and trying to avoid it, take that time and plan, prepare and practice key statements of fact before taking on the challenging conversation where possible. It is a skill, and you can get better at dealing with challenging conversations through experience. Even the most experienced negotiator or conflict resolution expert once started off as a beginner.
 
Alec McPhedran Chtd Fellow CIPD, Chtd Mngr CMI, is a creative sector coach and mentor. He specialises in one to one coaching, facilitated learning, media training and career coaching. Alec is the creator of the GENIUS Coaching Model, a unique approach to coaching creative talent. For further information, contact Alec at www.mcphedran.co.uk.
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Copyright © Alec McPhedran 2024